I love to be home with the kids this weekend, but my heart is up at the hospital with Parker and Darrell. Everything is up in the air. He will probably need a tracheostomy which is a much better long term solution to a breathing tube. The problem is they would have to keep him 10 days after the procedure so the plan is to life flight him down to Rady's Children Hospital as soon as they have a bed open, which might be sometime this weekend. Then they would do the tracheostomy down here. Like I said- everything is up in the air. We don't know if Darrell will be able to go on the flight, and obviously our things at the hospital can't so I don't know if I should go up and get him, or hold tight here... I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and worried not knowing anything. I was in my room crying and praying and I knew I needed to read the scriptures or words of the prophet. I opened up the Ensign I had on my nightstand and found the article "A Time for Faith, not Fear." (July 2013)
There were so many wonderful insights that calmed me. One is "Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness." "It is hard to build faith in the noonday sun. When the night is dark and the clouds are thick, we have an opportunity to put our hand in the Lord's hand and rely on Him to help us through." I am looking through the article and there are so many good quotes. "Sometimes--after we have fasted, prayed, and done all we can do to dispel clouds that have not parted; after we have gone into the dark and expected further light that has not appeared; after we have lived the commandments through difficulties that remain unrelenting-- we simply need to turn things over to our Heavenly Father." I am sure we have not hit bottom yet. Like others have said, take 2 steps forward and one step back. But it is hard to be absolutely helpless. In D&C 84:88 it says "For I will go before your face. I will be on your right and and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." We have felt those angels in so many ways. I tried to keep track of the acts of service to thank you, but there has been such an outpouring. In kind words and messages, emails, texts, meals, play dates, checks, carpools, and the countless prayers and fasting. We have angels all around us. Thank you.
Nicole Dial Anderson, Jennifer Swenson Butikofer, Joyce Hanchett and 45 others like this.
ReplyDeleteTiffany A. Winkel Nutter You have been incredibly inspiring in all of this. It is very humbling to me. I'm proud to call you family... even if by marriage.
Jessica K Nielson Blattman What a wonderful blessing to be down at radys! We are still praying for you! You have been so strong through all of this! Hang in there! We all love you!
Marne Prettyman Eggleston So many hard things at once. Sending love and faith to you and your family. We love you Ashley and Darrell.
Laura Patterson Vanderbeek Don't try to pay it back (it is impossible - I know from experience), just pay it forward. One day you will be able to do that and make it a consistent repeatable effort. But for now just take it an hour at a time.
Jinky Andersen I personally would suggest although a transfer is feasible safety is still number one.I pray that God Provide the Medical Providers the BEST Assistance anyone can have .
Cassie Smith There is no doubt that all of the people helping and serving have once been on the receiving end of your kindness. Just remember that service is love. Just keep the faith and let all of the helping hands "love" your family at this time. So glad they are moving Parker closer to home. You all are always in our prayers. <3
Tami Aldama I'm feeling so helpless being so far away. I attended the temple last night with you in mind, we have fasted and continue to pray daily. I will pray that you might have the faith sufficient to get you through this and to help you stay strong for your family. We will continue to pray for Parker. We love you guys!
Andrea Moore Roberts You're such an inspiration of faith and gratitude. Thank you for sharing the words you found comforting. You'll continue to be in my prayers.
Nicole Dial Anderson You are such an amazing person things will fall into place, its so hard not to worry and wonder I'm sure, we pray for your sweet family daily! Stay strong and know you are much loved!!:) hugs!!!
Kelley Drury Birrell Ashley , as soon as I can, I'll call you. It'll probably be tomorrow.
Kimberly Adamson Jones Love you. I think about you all the time and have been praying for you and your family. I love reading your posts, not just for the updates, but because you have been trying so hard to find the good in such a hard situation. I am amazed at your strength.
Amy Ward Maybe we can help get Darrell and your things here so you can be at Radys when Parker arrives. Let us know when/if it's happening...you know the number. I would text you but it's too late right now.
Sara Elizabeth Owen Love you all. Keep holding on as best you can.
Jennifer Bradley Janda Definitely keeping you guys in my prayers! Make see you talk to Them about a Passy Muir Valve as soon as he's alert so you can hear that sweet voice. It's a speaking valve that allows him to breathe in through the trach and out through his nose or mouth. Has to have an uncompromised upper airway though. It will also help long strength. A lot of info, sorry. You have been so strong, know we're all behind you!
Cyndi Ross Hedden We ARE all behind you and we can help Amy with the kids if you need. We would love to host or pick up or whatever.
Perry Bowes Hang in there Ashley...your family is in our prayers